The following article is not suitable for young adults, particularly those between the ages of 19 and 22. If you read this, you will likely just get mad at an old dude’s lame and bizarrely subjective opinions — and you probably know about a million better bands than he does anyway. But if you do read it, please email the author with the names of said bands. That way he can continue on in this grand delusion he is about to unveil.